13 Months

I initially posted this on my facebook, and got quite a good response. A lot of people are moving out of the foyer now, or leaving Geneva, so I think they found it pretty entertaining - a good way to remember all the strange Swiss customs. Of course not everything I learned while working for the EAA or living in Geneva is included - it seems everyday I think of one or two more things to add to the list. But for now, here it is:

Things I Learned While Living in Geneva:

*in Switzerland, people kiss three times on the cheek, not twice. This can get confusing when visiting friends in other parts of Europe. This can also get annoying when you're meeting a group.

* Diet coke is called 'coca-light'

* Although it's not the best idea to cross the 'do not cross' line while on top of a mountain, you can get some pretty sweet shots if you take a little risk.

* The best deal in Switzerland - free water from the fountains located sporadically throughout the city. Its clean and oh so tasty.

* You can't see the stars in Switzerland... this actually just makes me happy I'm going home.

* it is impossible to get lost in Geneva. Even if its your first day, and you wander around for hours, you will wind up right outside your apartment thinking 'gee I'm so effing lost right now!'

* the negative sign on your account statement is on the RIGHT side, not the left. Don't think you're making money every time you withdraw, UBS doesn't like you that much.

* consider yourself lucky if you get to see Montreaux on a clear day

* don't call Steph a bitch or dirty whore while complementing her hair cut and while your door is only half open...her parents maybe standing in ear shot.

* standard Swiss city: river, castle, and mountain.

* the guy outside of Migros, who plays the accordion, is Hungarian, and Steph's friend. He also likes it when you buy him 1 franc pies.

* your colleague may work just behind you but you'll still find the majority of your communication mediated by skype, adium, facebook, and two sets of email

* je suis tres excite - does not mean what you think it does.

* about 90% of the parties and gatherings in Geneva are 'going away' parties

* Vegimite is disgusting - do not trust the Australian's that try and tell you differently

* If a colleague is having trouble with their computer, buy yourself time to Google an actual solution by telling them to 'just restart it'

* Always allot yourself about 30 minutes per week to deal with Emma's email issues (that one is for you Stephen)

* If you have a train to catch Saturday morning at 6 am, its really not a good idea to stay at Shakers until 5.

* You know its time to leave Usine(zoo) when either a) the floor gets so sticky you shoes litterally become stuck to the ground or b) you start spending most your time protecting Steph from severe douchebags.

* When playing 'guess the stereotype', be sure that members of certain ethnic groups that you are making inappropriate comments about are not sitting within ear shot

* When playing 'guess the stereotype' don't throw an entire round by beginning with 'well at least I know you don't have Louis'

* Never enter a hot chili eating contest with a tiny australian. you will lose.(also, don't cut hot chili up then wipe your eye - it will be the greatest pain you will ever experience in your life)

* If Jean ever invites you over for cakes, go.

* When stalking your favourite artist around a castle in Germany, get rid of the chocolate ball and have someone with you who can reliably decipher whether or not they are the musician you think they are, and also accurately determine which of the identical twins you are following

* Putting your feet up on the seat in front of you while on a train is 'not possible in France'* mayonaise tastes good on pretty much everything - blame Gilberto.

* never enter a debate about the difference between aluminum and aluminium

* the three most important questions in Geneva: who are you, what do you do, how long are you here for (give yourself extra points if you find someone who doesn't work / study in human rights or international development)

* Italians will make fun of you for saying 'lunch', but they'll do it in Italian and then serve you really good gnochi so really, who's complaining?

* 'boh' should officially become a part of everyone's vocabulary

* If an Italian says 'prego' to you, they are not asking if you're pregnant

* When in the alps, don't wear shorts - its really really cold up there

* Always keep the conversion rate in mind when paying in Pounds - otherwise you will come home broke all the while thinking 'wow that was a cheap trip'

* You cannot drink on the streets in Belfast

* If in Prague, DO NOT go see a black light show...unless you have consumed a significant amount of absinthe first, because really, that is the only way that shit makes sense

* Angelina Jolie may work for the UNHCR but hell if she is ever actually at that damned building.

* When in an eastern european country, with no money, maybe don't keep ordering mojitos - no matter how good they are

* Maps are unnecessary and completely useless in Venice

* 'server thingy' and 'the hosting guy' may not be technical terms but do make explaining web/email solutions much easier

* Just because the chocolate you bought was really expensive and good, it's not generally a smart idea to keep it in Steph's room for 6 months - eventually, it just tastes like Foyer

* Although it may be a good idea to give your credit card to Steph for safe keeping, it is not a good idea to give her your box of Oreos.

* No one may want to call the cat Honduras, but if you are persistent they will be forced to do just that

* Doesn't matter how important or well educated some diplomats are - everyone has a soft spot for "10 Things I Hate About You"

* The eye diagram at the photo booth is for aligning - it is not representative of where your eyes should be in the photo...

* If you make plans with an Italian and a mini-Brit, be sure to have cell phone on hand - if you don't meet them, you will never, ever, hear the end of it.

* Swiss trams, trains, and busses can never be late - don't bother running for one because even if you make it, are standing at the door pushing the button, if they're a hair off schedule then they're leaving you the fuck behind.

* When flying, sit on the left side of the plane to get a good view of alps

* There is not a 'resist' button on my watch - it says 'water resist' - this is good to know.

* Steph's method of saving people from oncoming traffic is to scream then jump out of the way...you'll kind of need to pay attention to her to realize that bus is headed right for you..

* If going out with Farhad know that you will never be able to adequately capture his 'dancing face' on camera. Committ that shit to memory - the same goes for 'crazy naked tattoo guy'

* If in Amsterdam, DO NOT EAT SUBWAY

* never watch Japanese horror films that have a high probability of turning you into a racist

* If you're competitive, never bowl with the Sweedes. They'll kick your ass and be terribly adorable doing so.

* Germans like to mosh to Jimmy Eat World...during slow songs..

* Limiting the HIV team to one technical question a day will greatly improve your productivity / facebook time

* You will always win in the 'great skype hang up race' against your communications supervisor provided you never tell them that they are in competition with you.

* If in a staff meeting, maybe don't agree to do something when you haven't been paying attention. Also, if you start laughing hysterically when you catch the tail of a sentence ('men who have sex with men and religious leaders') it will be strikingly apparent to the rest of the staff that you were not paying attention.
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DANA: and this is the resist button
GILBERTO: thats not the 'resist' button, your watch says 'water resit'

DANA:if i pushed you in the river could i still come to your funeral
STEPH: yes
DANA: but i killed you
STEPH: but i liked you up until then

DANA: i'm an amm'rican, i'm gonna go get my ball

GILBERTO: steph, quick hide, they're coming[steph proceeds to run and hide behind a 2inch pole while covering her face with a bag of lettuce]

"Does anyone have a plain envelope?"
"Do you mean like, an envelope for a plane?"

GILBERTO :Dana, your teeth are big and green /Dana, you have a big panchene
DANA: What is a panchene?
GILBERTO: I don't know. it just rhymed

ME: I just broke the cookie jar
STEPH: is that code for something?
ME: its code for 'Gilberto is a douchebag'

HAROLD: "i don't like italians, they steal passports"

STEPH: I remember it like it was yesterday
ME: It was four hours ago

GILBERTO: lots of french "tu ecoutes .."
ME: tu ecoutes not you!

JUSTIN: I'm a cylon and I've been programmed for make-outs

GILBERTO / ME: Can you Walter that for me?

ME: What are penguin's anyways? Birds?
STEPH: Dinosaurs?on msn

STEPH: haha ok BYE DAD we're going shopping. what do you want from swiss land? CHOCKI?STEPH: HAHAHA you're not my dad

KATHERINE: Is your mom coming to the EAA
DANA: Yeah I hope so
KATHERINE: Oh we'll have to tell her about all the wild and crazy things you do here
DANA: oh yeah, like, oooh mom today I created some php templates
KATHERINE: naked

(talking to Steph while inputting 100 emails individually into a listserv)
Steph: ooh thats going quickly
Dana: thank god for keyboard short cuts
Dana: im all apple c, apple tab, delete, double click, apple v, enter, apple tab, arrow down - repeat
Dana: im making that a facebook quote
Steph: haha
Dana: im done
Dana: oh my god
Dana: i added them to the wrong listserv
Steph: ooooh no!
Steph: apple tab, delete

JUSTIN / DANA: "oooh, that's racey"

VICTORIA: "Do you have a catch phrase?"

: "You're acting like a vajayjay cleaner, Justin"

DANA: "aw, she's so cute with her accent. I want a cute accent"
EMMA: "you're north american, darling, there's no chance."

STEPH: cant you like, just stay - i will hide you in my room. no one will know - and then i will import vic, and hide her too, and then you will have a friend and then you can open an internet business (not porn!) from my room

FRANCESCA: *something in Italian*
DANA: awww, that sounds almost romantic
FRANCESCA: I called you a floating piece of shit
DANA: that is less romantic

MOM (to my friends at dinner): I have two really girly daughters
ME: uhhh. thanks mom
MOM - blank stare
MOM: I have two really girly daughters

DAD: she thought she was catgirl, no uh, batwoman, no batcat

EMMA (enters empty office): Did the rapture happen and we got left behind?

(I walk into Emma and Thabo's office while Linda is writing me a card)
LINDA: Dana, leave!
DANA: What? Why?
LINDA: Leave!
DANA: why?!
LINDA: you used to be so respectful
DANA: you trained me well Linda.

(oh phone with mom)
MOM: what are you doing?
DANA: I'm watching the couple across the street from me, I can see into their living room
MOM: Oh..you ever see them...you know?
DANA: you know, what?
MOM: you know..
DANA: oh once the guy was doing push ups and I thought he was doing something else, but it was just push ups
MOM: thats dirty.

STEPH: we're drunk
JUSTIN: no, that's just you s-bu

JUSTIN: Here's the set up, you're in a meadow, Justice is playing, Tegan and Sara are there and they are holding your hands and they are both being nice to you

NICOLE (in Gilberto's card): Please give me the fridge, Steve will only fill it with Denner products

KATHERINE (11:45 - everyday): When are we lunching?

KATHERINE: oh that's neat, the wallet has your name on it
DANA: no it says Hurley, its a brand
KATHERINE: No I know, but its *like* your name, so you see what she's done here?

(while looking for snacks to bring on the train I see steph in the sauce aisle)
DANA: so Steph, what you thinking, going to take some curry sauce and eat from the jar on the train?
STEPH: oh yeah, that would be crazy good.